Totally Not Unintentional Asymmetrical Tiny Old Man Sweater

Malcom Gladwell explained to the world in his book Outliers that what it really takes to become an “expert” at something is putting in the 10,000 hours of practice. Once, on a long stretch of freeway somewhere between the Bakersfield and Santa Nella, I found myself racking my brain for anything that I’d spent anywhere near that long doing. As a road-trip junky with a tendency towards long commutes and even longer distance friendships, I quickly estimated how many hours I’d clocked behind the wheel of the Brave Little Echo. Assuming I average 50 miles per hour (which given LA traffic might be generous, but all the time going 80 on I-5 probably balances it out), it would take 500,000 miles of driving to reach 10,000 hours. Since the day we brought home the Echo, I’ve put about 230,000 miles on the old girl, making me nearly half way there. So, I’m about half way to “expert” level driving of the Echo. I’ve lead with this to make you feel more comfortable with what I’m about to tell you.

I knit while I drive.

I know, I know, this is dangerous. This is a bad idea. This is probably illegal. But, when you’ve driven the same stretch of freeway enough times in the same car listening to the same mix CD that you burnt on your iMac when you were 19, you can’t help but start to brainstorm things to keep your mind active as you pass field after field of lettuce.

This summer I found myself back on that same stretch of road more than I’d expected. By the 5^th trip to southern California in as many months, I decided that I needed to bring back one of my favorite graduate school road hobbies, and I pulled out my knitting needles.

As you already know, it’s baby season (don’t worry, more baby quilts are in the works as we speak), and as you already know, I love to knit baby clothes because they’re fast, and small, and even if they’re not sized correctly, they’re bound to fit a kid at some point. One of my favorite patterns for little ones has become the Tiny Old Man Sweater that I designed back in 2012. It knits up fast, and has proven to be a versatile favorite for fall holidays for many of the little dudes I made them for.

So, knowing that my friend Mallory will have a baby boy who needs dressing up soon, I stopped at a Michael’s in San Jose at 9:30am and picked up two skiens of yarn and a circular needle. By the time I reached Paso Robles the wineries were open, and I was nearly ready to start the sleeves.

The next weekend, as I sat in the Gilroy traffic (there is always Gilroy traffic) on the way back from a bachelorette party in Santa Barbara, I found myself trying to put all of the pieces together, counting and slipping stitch markers as I went. This is harder to do while driving than I had anticipated (I’m out of practice), and I realized that I’d somehow ended up with only 11, rather than 15 stitches on the left front. This, paired with a few other little counting errors meant that by the time I arrived home with all of the knitting finished, ready to close up the armpits and tie off the ends, the sweater was looking a little asymmetrical and the head hole was looking a bit small.

So, I played around with a couple of potential solutions and decided that embracing the asymmetry was probably the best option. I closed off just one side of the neckline, which made the neck opening a little more flexible, and actually sort of modernizes the sweater a bit.

If you decide that you want to make it this way on purpose (because I kind of like it more the more I look at it), here are the instructions for the 12-18 months size. 

Materials
18 inch circular needle (size 8, or size needed to obtain gauge 4" = 15 sts in Stockinette St)
Size 8 double pointed needles
Stitch holder
4 stitch Markers
2 balls (apx 350yds) worsted weight yarn*

Authors Note: Please, if you find any errors in this pattern please let me know so no one else will struggle with them! Also, I hate finishing more than anything else, so this pattern is designed to minimize the number  yarn tails you have to deal with. If you don't care about working in 10 ends, you don't need to listen to the yarn ball connectivity suggestions.

Body
CO 76 sts on circular needle.
Join round, front/back will be worked in the round. 
Work in K2, P2 rib for the first 1.5" 
Then, work in Stockinette Stitch for 6" more-- body will measure 7.5" from bottom.
Leave sts on circular needle connected to ball. We will call this BODY yarn. 

Sleeves (make 2)
With new ball of yarn, CO 28 sts on double pointed needles
Join round, being careful to avoid twisting the round.
Work in K2, P2 rib for the first 1.5."
Place marker to identify the beginning of a round and work as follows:
**Round 1, 2, 3: Knit all sts
Round 4: Knit to 2 sts before round. Kf&b, k1.
Round 5: Kf&b. Knit remaining sts 
(2 sts increased, 30 sts)
Repeat 5 rounds from ** 5 times more (40 sts total).
Work even until piece measures 6.5" inches from bottom. BO 4 sts from beginning of last round.  Leaving at least an 18 inch tail of yarn, disconnect from the ball and place sts on holder (36 sts). 
Make second sleeve using the same pattern. When finished, leave this piece connected to the ball. We will call this SLEEVE yarn. 

Joining body with sleeves
Splitting the round body wherever you left it, place a stitch marker (#1), then slip 36 sts from holder (the first sleeve you made) onto left side of circular needle. Using BODY yarn, knit across these sts. Place marker (#2) at end of sleeve sts.
K40 beyond marker. Place another marker (#3).
Slip 36 sleeve sts from double pointed needles onto left hand side of round needle. Knit across these 36 sts. Place marker (#4). NOTE: This process should leave slit shaped holes at the underarms, don't worry. You should now have 150 sts on your circular needle. 

Still using BODY yarn, K15 sts beyond last marker. Then, BO 10 sts for front neck opening.
K 11 stitched to maker, slip marker, K1, Ssk, knit across sleeve stitches to 3 sts before marker. K2tog, K1, slip marker, K1, Ssk, knit across "back" stitches to 3 sts before marker. K2tog, K1, slip marker, K1, Ssk, knit across sleeve stitches to 3 sts before marker. K2tog, K1, slip marker, K1, Ssk. Knit across remaining "front left" sts to the beginning of the bind off for the neck (decreased 7sts; 131 sts).

Sweater will now be worked back and forth. This is the row end.
Turn work. Slip 14 sts (back to marker #4). Pick up the SLEEVE yarn that you left there. Purl across all 117 sts to right neck edge (this is the other row end).  

Repeat the pattern below 3 times until 110 stitches remain:

Right side rows: K 11 stitches to marker, slip marker, K1, Ssk. **K to 3 sts before marker, K2tog, K1, slip marker, K1, Ssk. Repeat pattern from ** 2 times more. Knit to neck edge.  (7 sts decreased)

Wrong side rows: Purl across.  

When 110 stitches remain, work all rows as follows (8 times, or until only 46 sts remain).  

Right side rows: **K to 3 sts before marker, K2tog, K1, slip marker, K1, Ssk. Repeat pattern from ** 3 times more. Knit to neck edge.  (8 sts decreased)
Wrong side rows: Purl across.  
Ending with a WS row, move 46 sts to holder.

Collar:
Using circular needle and the yarn left at the bottom left neck edge pick up 14 sts from straight edge created (moving up towards live sts). Knit across 46 live sts. Pick up 14 sts from straight edge created at the right neck edge (leave the 10 sts you bound off across the bottom alone). Turn work. Work collar for 3 inches in K2, P2 rib. Bind off in rib. Leave at least a 12 inch tail on the yarn.

Finishing: 
Stitch 3 inch edge of collar to bottom neck opening, folding the left side under the right side. Stitch closed holes at each armpit. Weave in ends.